As with any new beginning, for children and adults alike, there is often anticipatory angst that stirs us up. The start of a new school year is no exception – new teachers, new friends, a new classroom, new routines, and most impactfully, separation from those to whom we are most attached.
While this article may apply for children of all ages, it will be especially relevant to particularly young children. When we send our children off to preschool or kindergarten for the first time, it is taking a leap of trust and faith. We trust that we are placing our children in the hands of another adult who will care for them the way we hope. We trust this, but our children are placing their trust in us to place them in the care of someone worthy of growing them in a loving way. There is a way to appropriately support this trust in our child and in ourselves, along with helping them bridge the separation from us as parents.
In many recent conversations with parents anticipating the anxiety bubbling up in their children (and themselves), we talked about bridging and what that can look like. It’s a practice initiated by parents but supports the hearts and minds of both the child and the parents as they start this new routine.
What is Bridging?
Bridging is shifting the child’s focus away from separation and being away from you and toward the next time you will be together. This allows them to focus on their attachment and connection to you versus being away from and missing you. It is a subtle shift in language and approach that makes a huge impact.
For example, instead of saying, “Goodbye, I have to go now,” you could say, “I can’t wait to see you when I pick you up. We are going to go home together and bake some muffins.” This leaves your child to hold onto the upcoming plan with you instead of holding onto the distance. This is just one example of a million different phrases you could choose or plans you could make.
There are also physical practices that support bridging. One we have used in our home is construction paper hearts. When it is a particularly hard night or our children are having a hard time falling asleep, I remind them I will place a heart by their bed every time I check on them. Before I go to bed, I place a pile of hearts by their bed and in the morning we count together. This same concept could be utilized in their car seat. You will place a heart in their car seat every time you think of them while they are at school and after school you will count together. They will look forward to this counting and will be filled up by you thinking of them the way they think of you. Again, focusing on that togetherness, even when you are physically apart.
My favorite expert and author of Rest, Play, Grow, Deborah Macnamara, kindly offered her helpful infographic. It offers a number of ways to bridge daytime separation. Use this to support your child and you. Allow these small ways of connecting to make a big difference in how your child works their way through the transition. We are wishing you all the best this school year!
Books to Support School Transitions and Bridging
For Kids:
1.) The Kissing Hand by: Audrey Penn
2.) The Invisible String by: Patrice Karst
3.) Butterflies on the First Day of School by: Annie Silvestro
4.) Llama, Llama Misses Mama by: Anna Dewdney
5.) I’m a Preschool Kid! by: Deb Adamson
For Parents:
1.) Rest, Play, Grow by: Deborah MacNamara (Chapter 8)
Want more book ideas for Back to School? Click here for my extensive Back to School book list!
By: Becca Theimann
