This is a fun and exciting time of year that is full of anticipation, events, and gatherings. You likely will not be surprised to know that along with all of this joy, we often find stress and sensory overload… especially with our children. Holidays bring celebrations with family and friends, environmental changes (decorations, lights, music, etc.), and often schedule changes (activities, school breaks, travel, parties, etc.). You may also have visitors staying with you throughout the season, which can disrupt the routine of the home. Wrap all of this up with the excitement of the holidays, and our kids can sometimes begin to show signs of stress (let’s be honest though, so do we as adults). So, what can we do as parents to mitigate the stress for our kids?
1. Stick to a routine as much as possible.
Predictability breeds feelings of security and a sense of control for our children. Routines provide comfort. Try to be consistent and follow a few “regular” routines – bedtimes, wake times, nap times even, if your day-to-day schedule is changing. Try to prepare your child for any activities, events, or changes so they know what to expect. A simple “heads up” can go a very long way. You may notice that your child is more resistant to transitions, increasingly prone to tantrums/meltdowns/generalized crankiness, and more of a behavioral challenge when they don’t know what is going to happen. It may be helpful to have your child help you in making a weekly schedule that you can talk about on a daily basis, pointing out upcoming events or visitors.
2. Plan ahead for food/snacks.
There’s nothing like having to run a list of errands with a “hangry” child, or what about the visit to friends or family and our child refuses to try anything new? While there is a time and place for exploring food choices and holding on for “just one more stop,” being prepared with favorite snacks and sustenance can save you from some difficult and challenging behavior. It is okay to manage your expectations surrounding food. People will understand and honestly appreciate that you anticipated your child’s need for familiarity. A traveling Bento box with food is perfect for this – think less sugar, more protein! Your child can help you prepare the food that will go inside so they feel a sense of security and control over what they will have as a choice to eat. Even if you have it just in case, keeping food in their system can help deter behavioral challenges.
3. Have a plan to help your child calm down or take a break, if needed.
With everything going on over the next few weeks, our children can become overwhelmed with emotions. This could lead to hyperactivity, increased volume and speed when talking, “selective” hearing, and general misbehavior. This can be stressful for everyone involved, especially when we feel like others are watching and our parental skills are on display. It is true that our children soak up their parents’ reactions… so try your best to stay calm and maintain your composure. Take a deep breath. Try to validate your child’s feelings by briefly stating what you are observing. “I see you are super excited to open our gifts. I know it is so hard to wait, and we will get to them when grandparents arrive. While we wait, can you (insert a task or quiet activity)?” It may also help to have a “code word” that your child knows he/she can use to let you know that they are about at their limit and maxed out on whatever is going on at the moment and need to take a break.
4. Have an escape plan.
As a parent, we all know there is the perfect time to escape and leave on a high note and then there is the too late time where the meltdown and behavior has really kicked into high gear. Even if you are having a great time, be mindful of your child’s stimulation and leave on a high note. You will end the event feeling good and your child happy.
5. Push the reset button.
Think about what grounds your child. For us it’s books (obviously). When we are out of sorts, acting out, just generally dysregulated, an extended period of reading really helps. Maybe you cuddle up with them and read a whole pile. Maybe you get out a bin of legos and put on a good audiobook. Whatever your reset button is, have it ready at a moment’s notice. Sometimes when kids are acting wild, they do not need more action, they need a quiet reset.
Enjoy spending time with your children and creating memories this holiday season. Whether it’s new traditions, or old ones, this is a magical time of year. Remember that it is okay to advocate for your child. You can say no to things or just let things that might be too much. Every other parent who is in the holiday thick of it with little ones will understand! Give yourself time to be present “in the moment”, and grace to say “let’s look at that in the New Year”.
Wishing you and your family a joyful holiday season!
By Mitzie Moser and Becca Thiemann
